The Career Reconsideration

I was panting like a horse that’s just won the derby. My legs were gone and yet my mind was steady. The sweat on my 6-packs made them glisten in the afternoon sun. I knew what I had to do. The helmet had to go for it was stifling. It narrowed my vision and I had to see far. My shield was heavy. It threw me off balance. My target was far away, sitting on a golden throne and smirking at the surrender that he thought I was about to meekly offer. I feel the spear in my hand and take a long look at the man who thought he was a god. I had only one chance to get it right, only one chance to kill the fiend and only one chance to save Sparta. The cool wind brushed against my cape-clad body, giving me temporary respite from the war being waged around me. Escape velocity, angle of release, trajectory, wind speed, wind direction and gravity; all need to be factored in before I release the spear. The calculations are done and the moment has come. I spread my legs for support, arch my back as much as I could, draw my arms so far back that my biceps scream and, the alarm rings.

It started making such a racket that my aim wavered for a moment. Shut up phone! I need to finish Xerces off! However, alarms being the bane of spear-throwers since the dawn of time, my brain groggily began to tune in to the reality that I wasn’t King Leonidas and hadn’t received an A+ in spear-throwing from the Spartan Institute of Medieval Weapons Training (SIMWT). It was such a nice dream. Yeesh.

Life descended upon me like a Category 5 hurricane, suddenly and without warning. I didn’t really know what it was that I wanted to do in life, and I had no choice but to do something because something just needed to be done. Work occupies such a large part of our lives that it merits considerable deliberation as to what it is that one should work at. The feeling that someday I would know what I wanted to do kept on being just that, a feeling. So by the time I joined an engineering college, worked my way through the course, the painful examinations and the (seemingly impossible) graduation, the ‘feeling’ remained. But there was some clarity towards the end, if it could be called that. I knew now what I didn’t want to do. Computer software had seemed like fun in the beginning, but felt nauseating towards the end of the course that taught me the basics of the art. Yikes.

Panning forward through the space-time continuum and to the present, I now love what I do. It gives me satisfaction and joy that my mental faculties (limited as they are) are being employed to their fullest. Every day ends with having learnt something worthwhile and some things that have no real application in life, but are fun just because they are what they are. But the thought that if I had to do it all over again, would I be doing what I am doing today, never fails to cross my mind. If I was 18 again and had the clarity of exactly what it was that I wanted to, what would I do? So if I had to pick the seven dream careers (why should it always be ten!?) that I would’ve loved to be in, they would be:

Number 7: Tennis player on the ATP World Tour

It’s not really that difficult to be a tennis player. All you need is Rafa’s forehand and his muscles, Roger’s backhand slice, volley and footwork, Djokovic’s backhand, Monfil’s drop shot and Raonic’s serve.

You develop all these and you’re on your way to the top. The four slams would be yours, and they would probably start a fifth grand slam in India. And if you could prevent Murray from winning a slam, one particular country would definitely find you unforgettable. No career is more rewarding than that of a professional tennis player. You get to live in Monte Carlo, save taxes, drive a Lamborghini to work and also get your towel handed to you without having to ask for it. Hallelujah, me says!

Number 6: NTSB Investigator

The National Transportation Safety Board is a US government organization that has primary responsibility for the investigation of accidents concerning civilian aircraft in the United States. It also participates in investigations of accidents that occur in other countries that involve aircraft manufactured in the US. Now although their job description is macabre, and they have to deal with death and destruction on a regular basis, the nature of the work itself is thrilling to say the least. It is the pinnacle of problem solving, root-cause-analysis and identifying contributing factors that lead to an accident. More importantly, each investigation drives changes in systems; policies and operating procedures involved in civil aviation and make it safer. Problem solving requires a combination of in-depth understanding of systems, perseverance, drive and above all absolute result orientation.

Number 5: Software Engineer for Lockheed Martin’s F22 Raptor

If you don’t know what the F22 Raptor is, you’re missing out on the greatest inventions of all time. The F22 Raptor is an aircraft which if you were ever to have the fortune of being inside one, will leave your jaw hanging from it’s socket, gaping at the sheer audacity of engineering and total defiance to the laws of gravity. Newton may have just revised his opinion on gravity had he seen the F22 Raptor, before he saw the apple falling out of the tree. The F22 Raptor has the world record for being the most stealthy supersonic fighter aircraft that exists. It is rumoured that a Raptor once intercepted a F-4 Phantom with such stealth, that it was actually underneath the Phantom! It’s software systems are so mind-numbing that a squadron leader can coordinate an attack, choose optimum weapons and program strategy with, wait for it, other aircraft in the squadron in real-time! If you thought Whatsapp and cloud computing was cool it’s time to move on, these planes communicate with one another IN THE CLOUDS. The jet engines of the aircraft are so advanced that they feature something called thrust vectoring. In layman’s speak, the engines divert the angle of thrust which assists the airframe to make insanely marvelous turns, wobbles and rolls at an angle of attack that no aircraft on earth is capable of. Thank you Pratt and Whitney for those babies. The F22 Raptor is engineering gone bonkers, and I’d love to work as a part of the team that designed and developed the aircraft’s avionics, navigation and weapons system software. Sigh.

Number 4: Scriptwriter with A Band Apart

A Band Apart is a film production company founded by Quentin Tarantino in the year 1991. Quentin Tarantino is a film director, producer and scriptwriter. I’ve never been blown away so consistently by a single man’s work. Sachin Tendulkar may be an exception, but his consistency was shaky in his yesteryears. The man made Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2, Sin City (guest director), Inglorious Basterds and Django Unchained. If cinema could be a religion then Tarantino would be my god. Along with limitless talent the guy is also the most sassy jerk the movie industry has ever seen. He does what he wants, he says what he wants and is the most politically incorrect douche in the industry. He doesn’t have very good things to say about the Academy, which is perhaps why they don’t give him an Oscar, but he’s okay with it. As a wannabe writer, working with him on a script/dialogue for a movie which he would be directing, would be my Everest summit. Quentin, dude, call me!

Number 3: 008

Well Daniel Craig is doing a fine job as 007, so I could be 008. You get a license to kill, a fingerprint-detecting Walther PPK to do the killing and the ladies just seem to be okay with who you are. What more could a man want from life? I’ve read the books, I’ve watched the movies and ever since Daniel Craig stepped into the shoes of James Bond, the mythology has become awesome. Add to that the Aston Martins. I mean come on! To me, the roar of the Aston Martin’s V12 is like the sound of a violin to the music lover. If I could be Bond and drive an Aston Martin around without giving a damn to the continued existence of the side-view mirror, life would be so much fun. Locating the recruitment section for the double-o position on MI6’s website has proved to be a hurdle however, so maybe they’ve stopped hiring this year. Well, no matter. Patience is a virtue they say.

Number 2: Jedi Master

The master of the force. The lord of the light saber. Obi-wan Kenobi’s job I’d take up any day, given a chance. All you need to do is travel the length and breadth of the universe, winning battles and killing bad guys. No other job could be as satisfying as this one. When you are a Jedi master, you don’t need 299 other colleagues to fight your battles with you. And of course it helps if you are in the good books of Master Yoda. And if I get to ever meet him, I have just one message for him - love the way you speak, I do, cute little green creature with big floopy ears, you! May the force be with me! Swoosh. (the lightsaber just powered up)

Number 1: Idly Vendor

Yes, Idlys. I saw the name on the menu-book at a restaurant in Chennai and it just sounded golden. Yep, it was a menu-book for it had just too many pages to be a menu-card. The succulent, delicious rice cakes just melt in your mouth, if made properly. Too much rava and they’d be dry, too much udid-dal and they’d be thick and spongy. Making perfect Idlys is an art and it’s an incredibly difficult one as well.

Unlike any other kind of food, the quality of fermented food items also depends on the weather, which adds an additional layer of complexity in their preparation. When served with sambar and various types of chutneys, Idlys make for the most sumptuous breakfast, lunch and in the case of aficionados like me, dinner as well! I like eating Idlys so much, I’m sure that I’d enjoy making and selling them as well.